The Heat is Crazy
by Yumetake Sakka
Summary: Duo gets the idea that he should be looking for his true love, but he doesn't have anyone particular in mind, so why not try his four best friends on for size? Shounen-ai
1. Hypnotic Movie in My Head

The Heat is Crazy 

By Yumetake

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, although I do own the movie brought to you by LOVE, but then I don't think that I really want to… you'll see what I mean…

Prologue: Hypnotic Movie in My Head

Oh, this is good, first class blackmail material! I gotta hand it to Wu-man; he really has it in him! You'd think that with his attitude towards them, they'd stay as far away as possible, but nooo… I happen to have a dozen of pictures of fan girls in front of me accompanied by pink love letters filled with hearts and glitters, that's right, all for him. I picked out the best one in my opinion (she's cute, Chinese, and even has the same last name as he does), and stuck it up on the fridge that's already covered with pictures and letters derived from fan mail. 

I get to handle all of our fan mail because the others doesn't care too much for it, but sometimes they regret it because I get to have too much fun with theirs. Take the fan art at the top right-hand corner of the fridge for example, it's the work of a certain 3x4 fan, and apparently Quatre has become a kitty and is crawling out of the back of Trowa's shirt [1]. Heheh… I love watching their reactions to this type of things, I wonder just how deep a shade of red can Quatre's face go. I'll have to see for myself tomorrow, but now I'd better get to bed, because when Wufei sees that girl on the fridge at 5 am in the morning, I'll have to get my ass out of bed and run like hell. 

Ah forget it, resistance will be futile, because when the chase goes on for too long, Heero helps him (It's so unfair!), simply because he'd be annoyed by the noise. Now, even the great Shinigami can't escape when he's got the perfect soldier holding a gun to his forehead and a mad Chinese man with a katana attacking from behind. At least not without help from the shinning Arabian angel, Quatre would then come out, hands on his hips, saying that he doesn't want any fighting in his house. Wufei often gives up at this point, probably because he doesn't want to be lectured by the shorter blond. I guess I have my allies too in this house… now if only I can get Trowa to side with me…bribing him won't be easy unless I have the right stuff…

Wait a second! What the hell am I thinking? Whoa… I gotta rewind my thoughts, that's was going in the wrong direction! I know that I'd do almost anything to get more support… but that was just wrong. Must never let slip that thought, being me is not easy you know, one slip-up, one wrong move, could spawn an entire fandom of a non-existent relationship, and then I'll never hear the end of it. That's right, you heard me, non-existent, there's nothing between me and Tro… oh shit! Great, way to go Duo, you'll definitely get him to side with you when a galloping herd of yaoi fans parade in front of the house holding a banner with "2x3 forever!" high above their heads. It'd help even more if they actually made a ballad of it, like they did the time I accidentally let it be known that Heero helped Wufei when we fought, yes that's right, that's where the whole 1x5 thing got started, and I got sliced up pretty good for that one. There was nothing to regret though, as I thoroughly enjoyed watching Wu-man fume, and I think he was even more frustrated at Heero because he wouldn't express anything against it and just let it pass with an "hn" of his, but then he never expresses much of anything anyways.

But I kinda feel sorry to disappoint our fans you know, some of them are so passionate about their favorite pairings, yet in truth, there are none, the five of us are just friends. I'm probably the only one who pays any attention to yaoi fan mail and find them funny. Of course, I keep the pretty pictures of me with my boyfriend, whichever one it happens to be. Yep, so far I've gotten paired up with everyone, well not so often with Trowa, but that's not gonna last very long now. I like the fan arts, not only because I look gorgeous in them, but also 'cause I look so happy with my supposed love.

Hey what's going on? Everything is getting blurry, I must be falling asleep, I didn't know that it feels like this, maybe that's just because I forget every morning… Oh look, there's a black and white movie playing amidst all this fog in my head… heheh, it's pretty interesting… … … Okay I'll tell you what's going on: Happiness is good… You deserve to be happy… Be Happy… Happy happy happy…  Yep, that's what appeared on the screen, and in the end it said in the credit that this film is brought to you by LOVE, soundtrack by LOVE, director – LOVE, Make-up – LOVE... But you gotta see this movie for yourself; it looks much better on the big screen, you know, the one in my head. I'll show it to you next time you come into my head, speaking of which… why are you in my head anyways?!

I know! I'll just start slipping into my sleep now, then you'd get bored and go away. As long as I don't dream of anything that could have the spawning effect… I need some music to help me sleep, here's the soundtrack of the movie playing, it's a quite catchy tune, it goes like this: ♪ Happy happy happy, love love love, happiness = love… ♪

Notes: [1] Not any fan art I've seen, but I'd sure like to see one like this, it'd be adorable. ^^

TBC… when Duo picks his first lovely target… 


	2. Luck Has Nothing to do With it

The Heat is Crazy 

By Yumetake

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it (yes, I do think I had way too much fun).

Chapter One: Luck has Nothing to do With it

"MAXWELL!!!!!"

What the…? Oh right, that's my cue. Man, I have to remind myself that next time I do this to Wufei, I have to drug him first to avoid rude awakenings like this. It's definitely the time that I pay that apothecary in the shabbiest part of town a little visit. Where else would you expect to find a drug that makes a man unconscious for at least thirteen hours?

 "Maxwell, you'll pay for this!" 

 "Wufei, now is not a good time, I'm sleepy!"

 "I'm going to send you to sleep for good!" 

Okay, that's enough to wake me up I guess. The trick is to open the door the same time he tries to kick it open, and escape when he falls in. But the last time I tried that his foot landed on my stomach and made me easy prey to the Asian. So I will have to hide behind the door first…

Bam! 

Ouch! [1] That didn't work either… he successfully kicked open the door, making a sandwich out of me between the door and the wall. I'm not liking the look in his eyes, and even less the sheen of his newly polished katana. He's approaching like a tiger, and he's going to pounce on me any second now… or he'll trip on my many articles of clothing left tangled on the floor. What did happen was the latter, giving me time to escape. Wu-man forgot the ingeniousness with which my minefield of a room is set up, and that I'm notorious for my sheer dumb luck. 

Ouch! A door… the second time within the same minute, damn it! It seems that as I was running and grinning like an idiot, I've just ran into the washroom door that Heero was closing as he's about to take his sacred morning shower, which gives me a great idea. 

"Nee, Hee-chan, can you please do me a tiny favor this time?" Here is how you convince people to work for you, watch and learn. Bat eyelashes as fast as possible without obscuring the puppy eyes, which must shine through, along with a wide but sweet smile, and put on as pleading an expression on the face as nature allows. 

He glares.

Now, pout cutely.

He glares again.

Now, pout dejectedly.

He glares even more.

Now… just give it up, the only people who can reject that must be someone heartless, how could I forget that Heero is one of those? But still, he didn't exactly say no.

"Hee-chan, can I take a shower with you?" Oops, that didn't come out right. Mustn't let him close the door, ow, those were my fingers. 

"What I meant to say was that can I stay in the washroom while you take a shower? I won't do anything, I promise. I'll crouch beside the toilet and not say anything and watch quietly… I mean… um… I'll even sing a song for you! Please! Wu-man is going to skill this time, I need somewhere to hide! Don't you think that my life is more important than your reputation?" Shit! Wrong line! 

Ouch! That was cold, really cold of him. And that makes the third time that I've been slammed by a door in five minutes. 

Eep! I'm sure that a couple of locks of hair coming loose from my braid have just been sliced off as Wufei's blade plunges into the wooden door, narrowly missing my left ear.  Although I'm not sure that my ear is still functioning correctly, because is that a snicker that I hear coming from Heero inside? 

"MAXWELL!!!!"

Now I can be certain that both my eardrums have been severely damaged. I'm relived that I can still hear the water being turned on inside the washroom. Even more so, when I heard a small sweet voice behind me, muffled by the sound of pouring water.

"Wufei-kun, I'm sure that whatever Duo did this time he didn't mean to make you angry."

Unfortunately, Quatre, even you know that's a lie.

"This is the last straw Maxwell! Winner, step aside!"

"But we still need him, he's one of us, you can't hur─"

"Chang, don't you know that it's not honorable to attack someone when he's not fully awake?" Sorry Quat, but if this is to be my last deed, I at least have to sound heroic.

"How dare you talk to me about honor! Omae─"

"Wait! Wufei-kun! How about I take care of the fan mail with Duo, I will personally make sure that none of this mishap ever happens again, or else you can hold me fully responsible for it."

Now what can you say to that? Even Wufei can only grumble, pull away his sword and walk away indignantly. I have this to say about Quatre, when he does it, he really goes out of his way to do it. I'm lucky to be his friend, and I'll be even luckier if…

"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you Duo Maxwell? And why did you have to go and piss him off again? Look what you made me do? Now I have to flip through that nonsense with you… Although some of them are pretty funny, remember the one you put up about Wufei stealing Trowa's pants?" 

Quatre has a charismatic smile, almost comparable with mine, I said almost. But I hope that reason he volunteered was not only to save my ass or to flip through pantless pictures of Trowa… speaking of which, I hope that he hasn't seen that picture about them two on the fridge.

"Thanks Quat, I owe you one!"

"You're welcome, but don't pull that again because I won't be around to save you the next time, because he'll be after both of us!"

"Sure Quatre, whatever you say!" That's it, that picture is coming off the fridge because this blond kitty is mine. Wouldn't want him to get wrong idea now, would I? Now if only I can make it downstairs and into the kitchen without colliding into more doors.

Notes: [1] Ouch! – I used "Itai!" before, but as Cradlerobber Speedo-kun (thank you!) pointed out, Duo probably wouldn't speak Japanese.

TBC … Duo drops hints and puts on moves…


	3. Operation Arabian Kitty

The Heat is Crazy

By Yumetake

A/N: Sorry that it took so long, but six hours of physics in summer school had put to sleep all the poor brain cells that I possess who were responsible for imagination and creativity. Thanks for the reviews from last time, and to Cradlerobber Speedo-kun for pointing out that Duo does not speak Japanese. I fixed it and I apologize for that, I do get illogical from time to time, like that time when I said Lucius Malfoy owned a car in a HP fic. Anyways on with this chapter! ^^

Chapter Two: Operation Arabian Kitty 

"Duo, what's that in your hand?"

"Uhh… nothing" Damn, if I hadn't crashed into the kitchen door I would have made it here before him.

"Duo!" 

He narrows his eyes with distrust. That look always makes me feel like a six-year-old who has just stolen an apple from the church storage. As I stare at my feet, he snatches the crumpled piece of paper out of my hands. 

A bright shade of crimson, glowing brighter than the rising sun, radiating more heat than a frying pan, creeps up from his neck to color the white Arabian's skin a brilliant touch of scarlet. He looks like he's ready to faint, which had been the result I was hoping to get last night, but now…

"Duo, are you harassing Quatre again." 

"Who? Me?" Sheesh, that wasn't even a question but an accusation. And he's not helping, 'cause it only made the blonde's face grow a shade redder, if that is still possible. Man, I hope this is not going to become his permanent skin color.

"What is that?"

"Really nothing that you should worry about, Tro" I'm sweating now from that heat Quatre's face is giving off. I'll really need a bath when Heero is done. 

Fortunately, Trowa decided to not inquire any further because Quatre looks as if he wants to turn into something much smaller than a kitty, and crawl into the gap under oven.

"Here's the mail." 

Oof! My arms are sudden loaded with an overflowing a previously unnoticed bag of fan mail that Trowa had been carrying. A glance at it tells me that my statement from last night did not go unnoticed as slogans centered around 2x3 were found on nearly every envelope. Trowa, thankfully gave no sign that he took notice of those, but I feel a light blush starting up my check as well, that habit of Quatre's is really contagious, speaking of Quatre, he's no where in sight by now.

After a hasty breakfast, and a hasty shower, the stern look Heero gave me as he emerged from the bathroom totally threw me off, just another person who's mad at me in this house. That's makes four, no actually five, myself included for screwing up in front of Quatre, and Trowa, and Heero, but happily not Wufei. I think I should really leave this place before I'll have to slice myself up and bury myself under the oven to keep the others happy, but then the smell of Shinigami's rotting flesh might bother them still. 

I find myself strolling along the streets in the shabbiest part of the town, most shops are not yet open at this hour of the morning, I wonder, why am I up and about hours earlier than I normally would be? Aha! Wufei, which reminds me, the apothecary… is closed.  It's eight o'clock and all is quiet, not a creature is stirring and not even a mouse, except for…

A cat. He (or so I assume) was shuffling in his cardboard box behind the garbage bins, sniffing and meowing when I heard him. He raised his head to meet my gaze as I poke my head through the gap between two filthy bins. 

Holy Arabian Gods! I swear that he must be the feline twin of a certain blonde that I know of, for he too is blonde and blue-eyed.

"Hey Quat-baby, what are u doing out h─Ah!" The hand that I held out to stroke his back was instantly met with his tooth (thank god that he's only a kitten). "So you hate me too huh?" Fine, be that way, stay here and starve… oh uhh, it's probably just the bacon grease from my breakfast that he smelled, the little guy must be hungry.

Someone must have abandoned him here, who would do such a thing!? It is my duty as Shinigami to protect all things orphaned. Therefore I take it upon myself to take this kitten home and uhh… hope that Quatre will become absorbed in this cute little thing and forgive me for what happened this morning, alright!

"I'm home!" Oh my, what a warm welcome, look Quatre's leather shoes and Wufei's Chinese slippers are all very excited to see me indeed. I left my own sneakers to chat with them and proceed to carry the boxed kitten into the living room. 

Mmm! The aroma of roasted chicken! I climb the last three steps to reach the living room, and my eyes meet the sight of Quatre with a stack of plates emerging from the kitchen.

Bang! Clang!

"Ah!"

Boom! Clash!

"AURHG!"

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk… Clunk…

"MAXWELL!!!"

…And… Clunk.

Okay… the sequence of events that have just occurred is as follows: the kitten leapt out of box upon smelling roasted chicken, headed towards the kitchen, ran into Quatre who dropped all the plates and gave a little yelp. Then dashed through the rain of smashing plates, into the kitchen, straight at Wufei, who was carrying the platter of chicken, which fell to the floor. Wufei screamed out of anger and surprise, and had immediately identified me as the perpetrator of all nuisances in his life. 

Pay no attention of the clunking sounds, as those are simply onomatopoeias [1] of me falling down the staircase step by step, as a result of the cat kick-jumping out of the box in my arms. 

Hi Wufei's Chinese slippers, sorry that my head is resting on top of you, but I'm in no condition to lift it now. Your master won't be too happy about this though, he's unhappy about many thing, most of which has to do with me. Here he is, running down the stairs with his katana, but no there's five of him! 

"Umm… Duo? Are you alright?" 

Yes, but I want Wuwu's slippers for company! Where are they? I woke up to Quatre's voice with these ridiculous thoughts in my head, and found myself lying on the couch. Looks like I passed out before Wufei had a chance to roast me for lunch. How cowardly Duo! Even though there was five of him you still need to stand up and fight!

"Yeah I guess" Thank god Wufei's shoes were there to cushion my head, calling all remaining brain cells! What's the death toll among you? 

Wufei sniffs angrily and stalks into the kitchen, to roast another chicken I suppose. Quatre looks at me worriedly. Hey, what d'you know, he's face is back to normal, still adorably peachy, but considerably less red. 

"Where did you get him, Duo?"

"Among all other unwanted things." Looking in the direction of Quatre's eyes, I see that in the corner of the room, the blonde kitten is chewing contently at the chicken that he managed to purloin from under Wufei's nose. 

"So can we keep him? Please?" The effort to smile and make puppy face is making my poor head throb.

"Well, if the other are okay with it, if they aren't allergic or anything, I don't see any reason why we can't…"

Yes! He likes the kitty! Quatre smiles lovingly at the kitten as it licks himself clean after devouring a chicken leg. 

"You should rest now, Duo. We'll have to take him to the vet and buy him food and litter in the afternoon."

"Okay", Quatre thinks of everything, "It's a date then." I think I'll just leave it at that and let Quat figure it out on his own. He must think that I'm talking crazy because of the throbbing in my head. But Shinigami always knows what he's talking about! According to reports of my remaining brain cells, a handful of them have died, half is injured, and the other half is falling asleep…

Little Quatre climbs onto the couch and nestles beside little Shinigami. He rests his head gently on the crook of my neck, and gives a soft but low purr. His hair is soft and his tongue tickles my neck in a pleasing way as he licks me tenderly. He rubs himself against my arm and wraps his tail loosely around it…

A/N: Quatre Rabara Winner does not have a tail. ^^ 

Notes: [1] onomatopoeia – words that mimic sounds

TBC …The "Date"…


End file.
